May 23, 2018
This episode covers Step 2 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution
process. If you’re tuning in for the first time, I recommend going
back to last week’s episode to work through Step 1 before you dive
into this show! Step 2 is all about identifying your needs and
creating a vision for the outcome you want, so that you can get
your needs met. It’s important to remember that the outcome you
envision needs to be specific, measurable, and clear.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #11:
- If you aren’t aware of what your needs are, or you're unclear
on what outcome you want, it will be very difficult to get where
you want to go, and you won’t be able to create a solution or
boundary that meet your needs.
- A need is a quality or condition that is necessary or required.
A common need in a relationship, for example, is honesty. If you
feel discomfort, negative feelings, or pain, it could be a sign
that you have a need that isn’t being met.
- The needs continuum runs from someone being anti-dependent, or
needless and wantless on one extreme, to being too needy or too
dependent on the other extreme.
- Healthy interdependence involves being open to asking for help
when you need it, willing to give help when it’s asked for, and
aware of what your own responsibilities are.
Highlights from Episode #11:
- Today’s episode will cover identifying your needs and getting
them met. [01:26]
- Vicki takes a moment to define what needs are. [03:14]
- Neglect in childhood can cause problems for people in adulthood
knowing their needs and getting them met. An example of
parents being neglectful in meeting a child’s needs is not taking
their child to the doctor or the dentist. [06:22]
- Ideally, in close interpersonal relationships, both people are
interdependent rather than being on either end of the needs
- Vicki explores the needs continuum in more depth, explaining
what the extreme on either end looks like. [13:23]
- We learn more about what interdependence in healthy, functional
relationships looks like. - [18:57]
- The first part of Step 2 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution is to
identify the unmet needs that you have with regard to the
situation. Once you identify your needs, you can create a clear,
specific, and measurable vision of an outcome. [24:00]
- Vicki gives an example of a vague outcome that isn’t specific
and measurable. [27:24]
Links and Resources: