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Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries


Mar 3, 2021

You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. This may feel hard to believe if you tend to immediately feel responsible and guilty when someone is upset with you (as many of us do!). Tune in to learn how to navigate situations where someone else is blaming you for their reaction or feelings, and why it’s so dangerous to believe that we are responsible.

 

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #124:

  • When you find yourself starting to take on the blame for someone being upset with you, start by asking yourself, “is it true that whenever someone is upset with me, I did something wrong?” Can you think of even one exception?
  • Here’s a script you can use if you know that you tend to take on the blame when someone is upset with you: “Thanks for sharing your feelings with me. I need to take a couple hours (or minutes, or days) to think about what you shared, and then I’ll get back to you.”
  • During the time you’re taking to think over the topic, assess whether you’re responsible for their feelings. Did you violate their boundaries in any way? Were you rude? Did you curse or call them names? Did you act in an offensive way? Is there another possible response that they might have had? Asking these questions will help you get clarity on whether you believe you’re responsible.

 

Highlights from Episode #124:

  • Vicki welcomes listeners to the episode, which is all about emphasizing that you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. [00:39]
  • We hear why Vicki is focusing on this topic today. [03:10]
  • There are consequences and distorted beliefs that arise from thinking we’re responsible, Vicki explains. [08:14]
  • Vicki shares a question to ask yourself when you’re in this situation, and shares an example from her own life. [10:46]
  • We hear more advice on how to manage someone trying to hand you the blame for their feelings. [16:10]
  • Doing the kind of inner exploration that Vicki has described will help you learn to be more objective in emotional situations. [21:50]
  • Vicki offers examples of how your thoughts can lead to various responses to the same situation. [24:23]

 

Links and Resources: