Jul 18, 2018
Today’s episode is all about what's called “offending from the
victim position.” It's such a crucial concept to understand when it
comes to healthy boundaries that I am dedicating this episode
to Pia Mellody, who
coined the term. I’ll go into depth to explain what offending from
the victim position means, as well as why it’s so problematic. I’ll
also share some tips to avoid this boundary-less and problematic
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #19:
- To offend means to cause to feel upset, annoyed, or
resentful. Therefore, it’s a subjective experience.
- When you see yourself as a victim, you feel less-than, your
self-esteem goes down, and you may feel a sense of powerlessness,
shame, or pain. Because these are such negative feelings, a common
response for many is to attempt to get back at the person or
situation that you see as the cause of your painful feelings.
- While it’s tempting to retaliate or take revenge as a way to
get your power back when someone offends you, it is not a healthy
expression of authentic personal power.
- There are several reasons to avoid retaliating as a response to
feeling offended. First, it typically places you outside your own
value system and creates an integrity failure. Second, every action
has a ripple effect, and actions have consequences. Finally, when
you reflect on your choice to offend from the victim position, you
will probably have an emotional hangover, or otherwise feel guilt
or shame about your behavior.
Highlights from Episode #19:
- Vicki introduces the topic of today’s episode. [00:48]
- We learn about what it means to offend from the victim
position, and Vicki introduces an example from her own life.
- As a result of seeing yourself as a victim, you feel less-than
or you go one-down in terms of your esteem. Vicki explores why this
is the case, and what can happen next. [10:01]
- Vicki talks about the temptation to retaliate when someone has
offended you, and why we need to avoid doing it. [16:35]
- We hear about how to avoid offending from the victim position
in the future. [23:19]
- In the example that Vicki has been using throughout the
episode, Vicki shares how she chose to respond to what might have
been perceived by many to be an offending event. [31:31]
Links and Resources: