#30 - Women, I Know Why You Didn't Tell

Oct 3, 2018

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #30:

• Everything that happens to us is our private information. We get to decide when to share that information, how, and with whom. This is a good starting point for thinking about the topic of sharing experiences involving sexual abuse, harassment, or assault.
• There are many reasons that a woman might not share her experiences of sexual abuse, harassment, or assault. In today’s episode, you’ll hear about the eight most common:
  • You were told that something bad would happen to you if you told.
  • You were ashamed or felt “icky.”
  • You thought, or were told, that no one would believe you.
  • You needed stability.
  • You were abused as a child and it seemed like just more of the same.
  • You may have thought it was your fault.
  • You were afraid.
  • You saw what happens to so many women who speak up.

The first episode of each month focuses on women and boundaries. This one is a personal message from me to every woman who has hesitated or decided not to tell anyone about being sexually abused, harassed, or assaulted. Tune in to learn how this relates to boundaries and privacy.

 

Highlights from Episode #30:

•  
• Vicki talks about the #MeToo era and a common question that goes along with it: “why did it take so long for the victim to tell her story?” [02:06]
• Situations of sexual abuse between an adult and a child are not “relationships,” Vicki points out, then talks about the dynamics of these situations. [06:48]
• Vicki moves on to talking about sexual abuse, assault, and harassment in adult relationships. [08:52]
• Vicki explains that there are eight common reasons why a woman might not tell, and lists what they are. [09:44]
• Any time that there’s a power differential between someone seeking sex and the person they’re seeking it from, there’s some kind of exploitation going on. [17:37]
• We hear more reasons why a woman may not have told. [19:32]
• Vicki talks about making the choice to disclose your experiences. [23:21]

• Let’s not blame victims by asking “why,” Vicki requests. [27:11]

 

Links and Resources:

Vicki Tidwell Palmer
Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
Beyond Bitchy episode 21
Here’s Why Roger Ailes’ Sexual Harassment Victims Took So Long to Speak Up by Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Huffington Post