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Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

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  2. #34 - Women, Choose Self-Care Over Self-Sacrifice

#34 - Women, Choose Self-Care Over Self-Sacrifice

Nov 7, 2018

As the first episode of the month, this one is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. I’m extremely confident, though, that at least a few men will relate to this one! This topic is inspired by a listener’s question on how to get others to respect your boundaries instead of reacting with blame or shame. In this episode, I’ll give you tools and strategies to navigate these types of situations.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #34:

  • When someone tries to send you on a guilt trip, you get to decide whether or not you’re going to go. A strong listening boundary lets you choose whether to accept and believe others’ opinions or hurtful words (possibly about you), rather than automatically accepting them.
  • When it’s not clear how to make a boundary specific and measurable, you can use the data you identified in Step of the 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier. From there, you can move into making a request.
  • In situations where the outcome you want is for another person to do something different or to change, your power lies in either making a request of the other person or setting a boundary for yourself. When you make a request, there are three possible responses. The other person can say yes or no, or negotiate an alternative.
  • Most of us—especially women—tend to over-give or sacrifice ourselves, which results in resentment. If you can’t do something without resentment or having an attitude, say “no” rather than doing it! The short-term discomfort of saying no will give you a longer-term gain.

Highlights from Episode #34:

  • Today’s episode will focus on a topic related to women and boundaries, specifically the need for choosing self-care over self-sacrifice. [00:48]
  • Vicki takes a moment to say a few words on the listening boundary, which is the most difficult to use. [05:28]
  • We hear more about the second part of the listener’s question, including how to make her boundaries specific and measurable. [07:50]
  • Vicki shares another way to look at Step 2 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier: identifying what what needs are not being met and the outcome you want. [12:45]
  • We briefly move into Step 3 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution process (Identify Your Power Center) before Vicki talks about what moving into Step 4 (Taking Action) might sound like. [13:49]
  • Vicki shares some words of wisdom from Brené Brown. [17:55]
  • We hear some specific steps and strategies for dealing with guilt trips. [21:03]
  • Vicki talks about the problem with being a people-pleaser, and why avoiding people pleasing is good for everyone. [26:03]

Links and Resources: