#35 - Holidays + Boundaries = More Joy

Nov 14, 2018

Ready or not, the holidays are coming! And today I want to talk about how to navigate this potentially tricky season with good self-care and better boundaries. It’s simple, but not easy. In this episode, I’ll talk about how the quality of your boundaries impacts your experience of the holidays, and make some recommendations about how you can navigate this season with more ease and joy.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #35:

• Adults have the right to decide how they spend their time, and with whom. This is true not only in everyday life, but also during the holidays. It can be a struggle, though, to tell your family and friends how you would like to participate (or not participate) in various holiday events and rituals.
• Other people, even family members, don’t have a right to make their preferences or priorities your preferences or priorities. What they want doesn’t create an obligation or duty for you, unless you choose to take it on.
• To navigate the holidays, sit down and make a list of all the events that you typically engage in during the season, or that you’re planning to add this year. Reflect on past holiday events and think about what your needs or preferences are for this year. Ask yourself whether there are any ways in which you would like to do these events differently.
• Give yourself permission to do what you want to do with regard to each of the events or activities that you’ve listed. This can be very challenging, so focus on progress rather than perfection!

Highlights from Episode #35:

• Vicki introduces the topic of this episode and talks about the upcoming holiday season. [00:40]
• Every single adult has a right to decide how, and with whom, they spend their time. This principle applies equally during the holidays. [03:50]
• Vicki points out that other people, including friends and relatives, may have specific ideas about what we should (or shouldn’t) do. [06:18]
• We learn some tips for how to navigate the holidays with better self-care and boundaries. [07:21]
• Vicki offers advice for those who feel the need to explain when they decline an invitation. [11:27]
• Once you have a clear idea of how you want to do this differently this holiday season, if you’re married or partnered, sit down with your spouse and talk about your preferences so that you can come up with a game plan. [14:03]
• If you struggle around the sorts of choices that Vicki has been talking about, go back and listen to Episode 34: Women, Choose Self-Care Over Self-Sacrifice. [16:54]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 34: Women, Choose Self-Care Over Self-Sacrifice