#68 - Giving, Receiving and Boundaries

Oct 16, 2019

Have you ever felt pressured to give to another person — your time, money, or something material? Giving is a boundary issue, and you hold the power to choose to give or to not give. Choosing wisely keeps you resentment free. Tune in and learn how it works!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #68:

• Giving and receiving come both come from a place of abundance.
• Skillful gifting comes from a foundation of an abundance of spirit and resources, and good receivers graciously express their appreciation and don’t feel obligated to return the gift.
• Giving to another person is an example of  boundary work because you get to decide to give (yes) or not to give (no). Complications arise in close relationships or when there is a lot of emotion or pressure attached to giving.
• Many people attempt to get others to give to them through passive means, rather than directly or cleanly.
• When someone wants something from you, you have complete control to say yes or no.
• Use Brené Brown's dictum: "choose discomfort over resentment" as a tool to support you in doing what is right for you. Say no instead of feeling resentment later.
• Ideally, giving should be done freely, and with joy and a sense of generosity. 

Highlights from Episode #68:

• Vicki introduces the topic for this episode: giving and receiving. [00:51]
• What comes to mind for you when you think about giving or receiving? [02:08]
• There can be a lot of drama around giving and receiving. [03:10]
• Have you ever expected to receive a gift, but when the time came, you didn’t get one? How did you feel? [04:02]
• A male listener inspired this episode because he was feeling pressured to give to someone close to him. [04:34]
• Vicki speaks about how to manage a situation when you feel pressured to give. [05:15]
• Ideally, giving comes from a place of abundance, where we feel that we have more than enough and can freely give to others. [05:49]
• Vicki states that when the experience of giving and receiving is healthy, there is a beautiful flow of energy that each person feels. [07:34]
• Giving is a simple boundary issue but becomes complicated when emotions are involved. [08:06]
• Vicki tells a story from her history about an unsuccessful attempt to get someone to give to her in an indirect and passive way. [12:01]
• When someone is pressuring us to do something or give something, they usually do it indirectly. [14:01]
• Vicki discusses how we have complete control over whether we say yes or no when someone asks something of us. [15:19]
• It's important to know that the person you want a long term relationship with can accept limits. [16:28]
• If someone continuously pressures you to do something, it becomes manipulative. [17:32]
• Vicki believes that men genuinely want to give to women they care about, but they don’t want to be pressured or controlled to do so. [18:41]
• Vicki says that if you have someone in your life that regularly urges you to give to them, you will have to get very clear with your limits so that you can avoid becoming resentful. [20:04]
• Ideally, you will feel entirely free, happy, and generous when you give. [21:01]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5 Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Brené Brown