Jun 13, 2018
After last week’s episode on the topic of women and boundaries,
we’re returning to our deeper dive into each step of the 5-Step
Boundary Solution process. This episode will focus on Step 4:
Taking Action. If you haven’t already heard the first three steps
of the 5-SBS, go back and listen to Episodes #10-12.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #14:
- When you're planning what action to take, you need to know
whether you have a contract (agreement) with another person, or
whether it’s just an expectation. Mistaking expectations for
agreements can lead to disappointment, frustration, or worse.
- Demands and requests are on a continuum. On one end, we get our
needs met in a very passive way. At the other extreme we make
- There’s a fine—but important—difference between a
non-negotiable boundary, which expresses what you are going to do,
and an ultimatum, which is a demand.
- When you want to make a request, there are best practices.
First, choose a time when both of you are relatively calm and
undistracted, and notice the state of your own nervous system. Ask
the other person if they’re available to talk about something
important, and be willing to take “no” for an answer.
Highlights from Episode #14:
- Vicki introduces Step 4 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution
process: Taking Action. [03:57]
- There’s an important difference between contracts and
expectations, as well as between demands and requests. [06:39]
- Vicki explores the differences between non-negotiable
boundaries and ultimatums. [11:50]
- Making a request is often the most challenging option of the 4
possibilities in Step 4. Vicki discusses best practices for making
- When you want to make a request, avoid these particular things.
- “If you can’t accept another person’s no, then their yes
doesn’t mean a whole lot,” Vicki explains. [24:59]
- Vicki offers a refresher on what the four options are in terms
of taking action. [26:57]
- Vicki presents the idea of keeping an agreement journey, as
well as why an agreement journal can be helpful. [30:42]
Links and Resources: