Aug 29, 2018
What do you do if someone is trying to hold you accountable, but
you don’t think you’ve done anything to be accountable for? What if
you don’t feel sorry or remorseful for a minor mistake that you’ve
made? What if someone is using accountability as a weapon and using
it as a tool to blame, punish, or shame you? Accountability can be
a confusing, complex, and messy topic, and this episode will answer
all these questions—and more.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #25:
- When someone confronts you about something, you need to
determine whether you have the same perception that you have acted
in a boundaryless, offensive, or boundary-violating manner.
- Everyone has sensitivities and vulnerabilities that we may not
know about. Another person may take offense and feel pain about
something we say or do even though we had no intention of causing
- It’s possible to weaponize accountability and use it as a tool
to punish or shame other people. If you’re in a situation where
someone is using accountability as a weapon against you or you use
accountability as a weapon, I recommend listening to
Episode 19 (When They Go Low . . . We Go Lower)
to learn how to respond.
- Must accountability be followed by contrition or remorse? The
answer goes back to whether you agree that you needed to be held
accountable. If you made a minor mistake or you simply don't
believe that you've done anything for which you need to be
accountable, you may not feel remorse at all. Keep in mind that
some people may not show remorse even when they feel it.
Highlights from Episode #25:
Episode 22, Vicki talked about accountability and intimacy.
This episode is a follow-up to the previous episode, and an answer
to a blog follower's question about accountability and remorse.
- Vicki shares an example from her own life when no offense was
- Everyone has certain vulnerabilities and things that they’re
sensitive about, Vicki explains. [08:29]
- We learn more about what it looks like when someone uses
accountability as a weapon, and what to do if someone uses
accountability as a weapon against you. [10:13]
- Vicki addresses a question that was submitted to her on her
blog: “does accountability need to be followed by contrition?”
- It’s not helpful for us to have outsized shame responses or
pain when we’re essentially being human, Vicki points out.
Links and Resources: