Jan 30, 2019
Has anyone ever told you that boundaries are selfish? Some
people might claim that your boundaries are too “harsh” or “rigid,”
or that boundaries are “wrong” or even “evil.” ( Yes, really!) In
this episode, I’ll explore several explanations for why people
might react this way, and truth about boundaries and
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #44:
- The least pathological explanation for why someone might think
boundaries are selfish is that they simply don't understand what
boundaries are. If someone has a strong distaste for boundaries,
it’s likely they just don't understand what boundaries are.
- Another explanation for why someone might tell you that
boundaries are selfish has to do with manipulation or control. The
person on the receiving end of a boundary might complain that the
boundary blocks intimacy, which is often a manipulation
- Nobody owes another person physical or sexual intimacy, or
access to their body on demand. This is true even in intimate
relationships and marriages. Boundaries around physical or sexual
contact are non-negotiable, and are not selfish.
- Here are four reasons why boundaries are not selfish:
they create safety, they create clear communication, they help you
understand (and choose) how close you want to be to another person,
and they let you become more relational.
Highlights from Episode #44:
- Vicki welcomes listeners to today’s episode, which is all about
the question of whether or not boundaries are selfish. [00:39]
- We learn about the least pathological explanation for why
someone might think that boundaries are selfish. [02:19]
- Vicki shares a story and some examples that illustrate
boundaries as reasonable and necessary. [04:54]
- We hear more about a problematic explanation for why someone
might tell you that your boundaries are wrong or selfish.
- Sometimes the person on the receiving end of a boundary will
complain that the boundary is blocking intimacy. [09:07]
- Vicki points out a problem with telling someone that their
boundaries are blocking intimacy. [11:33]
- We learn four reasons why boundaries are not selfish.
Links and Resources: