May 9, 2018
In this episode, you’ll learn the basics of a boundary-setting
process I created called the 5-Step Boundary Solution. The 5-Step
Boundary Solution (5-SBS) is a step-by-step formula that walks you
through the process of identifying, creating, and maintaining
healthy and effective boundaries. Although the 5-SBS process can be
useful for boundaries of all kinds, it was created and is intended
for use in adult-adult relationships.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #9:
- The five steps of the 5-SBS are:
- Knowing and Owning Your Reality
- Identifying Your Needs & Creating Your vision
- Identifying your Power Center
- Creating and Implementing Your Action Plan
- Evaluating Your Results
- To know and own your reality, you need to identify three key
things: the data (what you could record with a
video camera), what you perceive or think about
the data, and your emotions.
- There are four options in identifying your power center. First,
you have the power to change the situation.
Second, you can ask for help. Third, you can
make a request of another person. Finally, you may
- If you reach step five and find that the process hasn’t worked
because the person broke the agreement or didn’t follow through,
you have a new situation and can begin again at step one and work
through the process again.
- Get a fillable PDF download of the 5-Step Boundary Solution
Clarifier to walk you through the 5-SBS process here.
Highlights from Episode #9:
- Vicki offers some background on how and why she created the
5-Step Boundary Solution process. [01:26]
- Concrete example to help clarify the upcoming steps.
- The first step of the 5-SBS is Knowing and Owning Your Reality.
Vicki digs into this topic using the example she outlined earlier.
- The second step of the 5-SBS is about getting your needs met
and creating a vision for what the outcome you want. In Vicki’s
example, these needs might be a sense of safety, comfort, or even
- The third (and particularly important) step is Identifying Your
Power Center. [24:25]
- The fourth step is Creating and Implementing Your Action Plan.
Vicki outlines how this might work in the example she has been
using throughout the episode. [27:08]
- The fifth and final step is Evaluating Your Results, or what
happened as a result of what you did. [31:57]
- Vicki reads a passage from her book, Moving
Beyond Betrayal, to elaborate on the fifth step of the
Links and Resources: